Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
