is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize