his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
third nipple confirmed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
