He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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