He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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