You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
