I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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