What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
