the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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