Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
