Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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