Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you still have your period?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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