Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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