Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
