First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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