She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
