I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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