If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize