I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
