dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
