So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
