mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
50% drunk capacity currently
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Panties = found
Randomize
