You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dear god my vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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