i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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