chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
