You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize