Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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