guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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