Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize