So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
