no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
