Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
