super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
