honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize