If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Send help, water and tortillas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
