Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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