If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
