This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize