You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
