my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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