I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
