glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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