I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
