Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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