I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
