So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
