Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
