You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
