Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
