obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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