so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm at about main and main street
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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