Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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