Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
