I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
this hospital has no fireball
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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