chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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