i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
