i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
