I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know her cup size but not her name....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
