I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
