"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize