A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
