I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
