i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
