literally had 100 drinks last night.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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